Written by Katy Bourne

After becoming depressed, lethargic, and losing grasp of her zest for life, Chanelle Felder knew that something wasn’t right. Because she was a lifelong dancer, she thought she was tuned into her body, yet over the course of a few months, she was beginning to notice that she was unable to move in the graceful and carefree way that she usually did. Her every step was slower, heavier, and—unbeknownst to her—a step in the wrong direction in terms of her well-being. Along with her labored movements, she also began to experience overwhelming fatigue, numbness in her hands and feet, hair loss, terrible acne, and a plethora of depressing ailments…along with actual depression! Next came weight gain and also “brain fog,” an inability to concentrate or even speak coherent sentences. She started having difficulty in some of her favorite classes. This was when her family knew that something was definitely wrong. After a long diagnostic process, an MRI revealed that Chanelle had a tumor on her pituitary gland and she was diagnosed with Cushing’s disease. She was just 16 years old.

Cushing’s disease is a condition in which the pituitary gland produces too much cortisol, a vital hormone that helps the body respond to stress, helps the metabolism of food, and even determines when you wake up in the morning, among other things. Cushing’s disease is usually caused by a tumor on the pituitary gland, which is located at the base of the brain. There are multiple symptoms: fatigue, weight gain, bone pain, stunted growth,  hair loss, muscle weakness, acne, confusion, depression and fatty deposits on the face and between the shoulder blades. Because symptoms mirror those of numerous other conditions, it is often difficult to diagnose, and the first line of treatment involves a special type of brain surgery to remove the tumor and, in some cases, the removal of the adrenal glands is necessary if brain surgery isn’t enough.

With the onset of her illness, Chanelle experienced a range of emotions. She was confused as to why this was happening to her. She was also angry and scared. She was worried for her parents and also struggled with the overwhelming new experience of hospitals, surgeries, medical procedures, complicated diagnoses, and the barrage of needles, IV’s, MRI’s and tests that were necessary to stop the madness that was tearing apart her body and her life. Because she had always been athletic and fit, the changes in her body were particularly distressing. She gained a significant amount of weight and developed “moon face,” a rounding and reddening of the face, which is a common symptom of the disease. “It was very, very difficult,” she recalls “and not being recognized by people that I’ve known my whole life is probably the hardest part of all of this”.

During Chanelle’s first hospitalization, a child life specialist paid her a visit and gave her a copy of Chill & Spill.  Being fiercely creative by nature, Chanelle took to it immediately. She says, “My first impression? I loved it.”

She was drawn to the artwork and liked the interactive quality of the book. She loved the quotes inside the back cover. “A lot of the quotes were so true and just helped me get through some things.”

The writing prompts were also very useful to her, especially when the brain fog made it hard to collect her thoughts. Chill & Spill became more than a journal for Chanelle; by adding her “own things” to it, it became a scrapbook of sorts, or a creative log of her experiences. “I took it everywhere with me, every doctor’s appointment and everything.” She invited people that she met along the way-nurses, doctors, friends and other patients- to sign the book and to write words of encouragement. “The book started out with being an outlet for me to get my thoughts and feelings on paper, but it really became a tool for me to connect to other people.”

Chanelle says that Chill & Spill reinforced that it was OK to feel whatever she was feeling. It also served as a chronicle of her strength throughout a very difficult ordeal. “You can use Chill & Spill as a tool to go back and look through your personal journey, and just see how strong of a person you’ve become out of your experiences.

Chanelle believes that anyone could benefit from Chill & Spill. “It’s all-encompassing. It can help you cope with something that you are going through, whether it is something that is a devastating event as in health problems or a death in the family or just everyday life. Everybody goes through a bummer day when they just need a place to chill and spill.”

Chanelle credits Chill & Spill with helping her get through her illness: “I am just so blessed and so thankful for what Chill & Spill has done for me and for all the things that have come out of just having that notebook. Chill & Spill helped me go from this place where there was nowhere else to go…to a place where now I’m just so thankful for everything I’ve been given.”

Ink About It helps Middle Schoolers

Yvette’s story was chosen at random among the many different stories of change and growth we received in 2011. As the grand prize winner, she received a $100 gift certificate to Target!

Art with Heart’s newest book, Ink About It, has been in the hands of middle schoolers around the city as part of our pilot program to discover best practices and creative ways that school counselors and therapists are using the books with high-risk kids. With feedback from these groups, our next step is to put together a user’s manual that will feature extension activities (art projects) to help solidify learning.

One Community Center has been utilizing Ink About It since late September. Once a week, a group of ten girls dealing with family dysfunction, detention, substance abuse, bullying and mental health challenges gather. Yvette, the group’s facilitator told us that the kids look forward to coming and getting their journal. Marie, one of the participants likes it because “You get to tell your feelings in a fun way!”

Each group meeting focuses on one exercise in the journal as a launching point for discussion and/or an art project. One week, the girls did the “Portrait of an Artist” activity where learning who you are on the inside is the goal. The youth answer a series of questions about what makes them unique, what they dream of and collect, and more. For this particular evening, Yvette had the girls bring in something special that they collected. One girl brought in necklaces that she had been given by her father who had passed away. Yvette told us that the powerful discussion that followed would not have happened without the Ink About It prompts which helped them talk about how to cope with losing a loved one.

Ink About It is showing great success in being an excellent tool for helping youth facing overwhelming odds process feelings – while having a good time doing it. One girl told us, “It’s like a coloring book – and you’re never to old to color!”

Gene’s Anger Chills

Written by Katy Bourne

Katheryn submitted this story, which was chosen at random among the many different stories of change and growth we received in 2011. As a winner, she won a limited-edition 124-page Oodles of Doodles activity book, not available anywhere else!

13-year-old Gene was having a rough time. With an absent father and a mother who was only in his life now and then, Gene was left to live in poverty with his grandmother. Although he was popular kid with a class clown persona, he had difficulty managing his anger. This resulted in discipline problems at school. He was kicked out of school several times. He began experimenting with pot.

Gene received his first copy of Chill & Spill while attending a summer program. He received a second copy through a boy’s group at his school. According to his caseworker Kathryn, Gene was not the type of boy who was usually open to therapeutic activities. He was a “cool” kid. These types of things were “stupid.” However, Gene was open to working with Chill & Spill.  The group dynamic and the presence of a trusted counselor gave Gene a structure for approaching the activities in the book. Within its pages, he found a creative outlet to express his feelings. He also found a quiet space to simply sit with his thoughts. Instead of deflecting with jokes and sarcastic comments, Gene started to develop positive coping mechanisms to help him deal with his emotions. Although he enjoyed all of the prompts in Chill & Spill, Gene found “How I See Myself, How I Want to be Seen and How Others See Me’ to be particularly insightful in helping him understand some of his own behavior.

During the time that Gene worked with Chill & Spill, his behavior improved and his school suspensions decreased. His new-found coping strategies enabled him be more successful and to pursue his love of basketball.

In the words of his caseworker Kathryn, “Gene learned how to not let his behavior interfere with his dreams.”

Ink About It and Chill & Spill help Ben Find His Voice

Written by Tina Anima

Dena submitted this story, which was chosen at random among the many different stories of change and growth we received in 2011. As a winner, she won a limited-edition giclée print from the original Oodles of Doodles activity book, not available anywhere else!

It’s snack time in Ben’s art therapy group for emotionally troubled teens, but while his peers are busy munching on chips and sipping juice, Ben clutches a glue gun and carefully maneuvers it around a cardboard box.

Ben, who came to the group as a 12 year-old boy with trouble expressing his feelings, is learning a new way of speaking. He’s using art in the form of pipe cleaner, felt, and glue to form the words he could never express out loud.

“If I follow the rules, I’ll get what I wish for,” he writes, so immersed in his project that he ends up skipping the coveted snacks altogether.

Rules and Ben didn’t mix well, and his low grades and lack of friends didn’t help him feel any better about himself. At home, he would stomp off in defiance and yell at his parents and sister, wanting to escape into his world of video games. His school counselor referred him to Dena, who runs an Art with Heart group for emotionally troubled teens at Sound Mental Health.

Ben, now a 14-year-old eighth-grader at a Puget Sound Middle School, has been a member of Dena’s group for two years. Art with Heart’s Chill & Spill and Ink About It books have helped the aspiring football player to tackle his anger.

Like a coach with a goal in mind, week after week, Dena led Ben through various pages in Chill & Spill. He completed the “Me, Myself and I” activity, which asked him to depict who he is and who he wants to be. The result was a painting showing him moving away from anger with a picture of open hands.

Weekly meditation helped him to envision a safe place inside his mind. Next, Dena led him through a collage activity in which he chose images that made him feel “powerful,” and others that made him feel “powerless.”

He was ready to combine his safe place with the images to create a box to symbolize what he discovered. That’s when Ben had his breakthrough, huddling in a corner using pipe cleaner and glue.

“It was the combination of all that, finding the materials that felt good,” Dena said.

To anyone else, the project looked like a simple cardboard box, with a clutter of magazine pictures, glue, and pipe cleaner. “To him, it was huge,” Dena said.

Ben started to listen to his parents at home, and was rewarded with more time to play his video games. Things started to improve at school as well. Ben’s poor grades improved so much that he was allowed to play football.

“He relaxed. He started to smile. He was starting to be not so uptight and edgy,” Dena said.

Once Ben gained yards toward his progress with Chill & Spill, he tackled Ink About It. At first, the words in the book intimidated him because of his low reading skills. But the art soon won out. Dena gave Ben a gel pen, and he spent one session carefully filling in some of the many blue-and-white sketches that pepper the pages.

From there, he used some of the blank spaces to mimic the art. Soon, he drew a huge football in one of the blank spaces. He doodled designs around the ball to create the same busy, cluttered effect of Ink About It’s art. “He had discovered another form of expression. In his language, he has no adjectives, no way to decorate what he’s saying,” Dena said. With Ink About It, Ben “took that example and ran with it. He literally began to decorate his language.”

“Now, he can communicate through art. His art is becoming his language,” Dena said.

During one session, he created an art piece called “Sad Hall,” after he’d been bullied and beaten up at school. Ben, who couldn’t express the helplessness, frustration, and anger he’d felt in words, sighed in relief when he finished the piece. “I feel better,” he told Dena.

It’s been two years since Ben joined Dena’s groups, and the 14 year-old has no immediate plans to stop.

“His mother begged me not to stop the groups because he’s happier,” Dena said.

Good Luck on Your Next Adventure!

Art with Heart sadly bids adieu to Program Intern Kelly Lissak.  Kelly dedicated 10 hours a week since August of 2011 to helping our Program Manager Nancy Stillger and all of the Art with Heart staff. The University of Washington senior who is majoring in English and European Studies and minoring in Art History is leaving to focus on finishing up her degree and traveling to Italy next Fall.

While at Art with Heart, Kelly worked on after-school arts programming and grant research, along with day-to-day duties of program management. She was instrumental in gathering data about after-school arts programming, which will be a key piece of knowledge as we create the upcoming Magnificent Marvelous Me After School Program and Kit.

Kelly’s background in teaching dance classes to youth and her academic skills all helped shape her internship experience. As Kelly said, “I love being able to experience how a young mind works, especially how they understand and demonstrate creative processes.”

In summing up her internship experience, Kelly says, “I have learned so much about the arts in our school systems and the impact art can make on young people. I now understand what a long distance we have to go before we can really cultivate and keep these creative processes in our lives as we grow older. It has driven me to become more involved in what I believe in and to be a positive role model for kids younger than me. This internship has also sparked my own creative interests again and I have started writing and drawing more.”

Keep on creating Kelly! You will be missed. All of us at Art with Heart wish you the best.

—————–

Art with Heart is currently seeking applicants for a new Program Intern. A minimum of 10 hours of week is required.  E-mail cover letter and resume to nancy@artwithheart.org.

Written by Katy Bourne for Art with Heart

Middle school is a challenging time for any young woman. However, when she comes from an impoverished, single-parent household, the challenges are even greater. Such is the case of sisters Sarah and Leah.

Sarah and Leah, ages 11 and 10 respectively, live with their mother and grandmother in an economically depressed neighborhood where the unemployment and crime rates are equally high. Because of challenges in their home life, Sarah and Leah were not getting the support they needed to be successful in middle school. Both struggled with self-confidence and had difficulty managing academic and social pressures. Sometimes, they didn’t even have the school supplies that they needed. Most of all, both Sarah and Leah felt ashamed and embarrassed about their situation.

Fortunately, a strong community center in their neighborhood provides refuge for the sisters; it is a safe place with a kind staff that cares about the girls. Sarah and Leah were first introduced to “Ink About It” through a girl’s group that they are part of at the center. With the help of a facilitator, the girls in the group work through the book together. According to the center’s director, “Ink About It” provides a great “jumping off point” for the girls to discuss their feelings. The group focuses on one page every session and the activities in the book often provide a springboard for discussions and other projects. For example, the “What Do You Value?” exercise prompted a show and tell session, where the girls brought objects from home and shared them with the rest of the group.

Sarah and Leah like it that there are no right or wrong answers in “Ink About It” and that they can draw or write whatever they want. They also like it that their copies of the book are theirs and theirs alone. By working through “Ink About It” with their peers, Sarah and Leah have learned that they are not the only ones dealing with issues such as body image, academic challenges and social pressures. By sharing “Ink About It,” the girls have become a strong support system for each other.

Sarah and Leah are still active participants in the girls’ group and their work in “Ink About It’ is ongoing. The positive benefits, however, are already apparent. Both girls have become more confident and also more comfortable sharing their feelings. A church group recently donated some clothing to the center. In the past, Sarah and Leah would have been too ashamed to accept any kind of charitable offering. This time was different. They eagerly looked through the donated clothing and picked out outfits for themselves. They even put on a fashion show for the staff. Because of their growing self-esteem, Sarah and Leah no longer feel embarrassed about who they are or where they come from. The center’s director sees a bright future for Sarah and Leah. She feels that “Ink About It” has helped the girls “learn about themselves as young ladies.” She optimistically adds, “They’re not going to settle for negative behavior just because of a rough environment.”

Bruce Tyler was well-known in the Seattle area print, and business world as well as the nonprofit world. His commitment to children developed from his own experience with serious health issues. As a young diabetic, he understood first-hand the fear that hospitalization can bring. As an adult, he had a kidney pancreas transplant to cure his diabetes. It was at this point that he decided to dedicate his life to helping kids in crisis.

After serving as Art with Heart’s first Board President, he continued his pledge of helping Art with Heart help children in need. He was the first recipient of our 2006 Big Heart Community Service Award, which was designed to honor individuals dedicated to providing leadership and advocacy on behalf of at-risk and underprivileged youth in Washington.

Please donate today to help honor his name!

At the age of 13, the world as Ann knew it began to crumble.

Her parents were in the midst of a divorce. At her middle school, she tried to hide how smart she was because she wanted to fit in. Still, it felt like no one accepted her. It was hard to find a place where she felt she belonged. It seemed like everyone else had a normal life, but she just couldn’t catch a break.

She began cutting her arms and legs with razor blades. The physical pain she inflicted on herself masked the pain she was feeling inside.

A school counselor referred Ann to Christine, a prevention/intervention specialist who met weekly with Ann and other middle schoolers for 10 weeks. At first, Ann was sullen and withdrawn, grudgingly participating in the weekly sessions. She saw herself as a victim, and focused on how much the world had hurt her.

Christine gave Ann and other group members a Chill & Spill journal, where Ann could release the pain she’d been feeling. For a girl who struggled with finding a safe place to divulge her emotions, the Chill & Spill journal was a welcome surprise. “Ann needed a non-judgmental place where she could express ALL her feelings without getting in trouble for it,” Christine said.

Gradually, Ann learned that she didn’t need to act on every feeling she experienced, and that she could express her hurt through art and writing instead of holding the pain inside. She learned to embrace her intelligence, and to feel comfortable with herself.

“Her creativity just exploded with each project we did,” Christine shared. “The depth of Ann’s feelings and her creativity, compared to the shut-down girl who barely talked when I first met her, was a surprise.

“Ann found her voice.”

By Tina Anima

Johannah likes pizza and soccer, and she loves to read. But favorite foods and grassy fields don’t figure into this nine year-old’s idea of a perfect day.

Ask Johannah how she’d like to spend a day doing whatever she wants, and she’ll head right to Children’s Hospital of Wisconsin, where her little brother was a cancer patient in 2008.

“I would like to give the kids in the hospital what they want because I like to see kids in the hospital being happy even when they’re going through a hard time,” she says without hesitation.

This little girl with a big heart has spent much of her life around hospitals. When she was six and her brother Eric was three, Johannah saw her parents worrying over a mole that had grown on Eric’s leg. Eric was eventually diagnosed with a rare form of cancer often confused with childhood melanoma. His diagnosis set off a string of visits to the hospital for check-ups and chemotherapy.

Johannah’s mom and dad were busy caring for Eric. It was hard for Johannah.

“She really didn’t understand what was going on. She wasn’t able to express what she was feeling at the time,” Johannah and Eric’s mom, Jill, said.

Jill signed Johannah up for social worker Paula’s “Siblings Like Us,” a group for children who have brothers and sisters with cancer. Paula used Magnificent Marvelous Me! to ease Johannah and other youngsters into expressing themselves.

“The book helps to organize and label their feelings. If they do not feel comfortable speaking out loud, they can always use the book as a kind of diary,” Paula said.

The activities in the book appealed to Johannah, who enjoys arts and crafts.
She began to realize that sometimes she got frustrated at home when her mom and dad didn’t have time for her.

“I would get upset because my brother was getting a lot of attention because he has cancer,” Johannah said.

A self-portrait activity in the book allowed her to focus on herself, sketching a picture and choosing what type of smile to include on her drawing. She met other youngsters who also had siblings with cancer, and discovered that they were feeling some of the same things, too.

“As she’s grown through this experience, she’s been able to express the other grieving feelings of sadness for her brother and other kids who are going though this,” mom Jill said.

Johannah liked playing with Eric, but that wasn’t possible when Eric was feeling sick or undergoing treatment in the hospital. And she worried about her little brother. She had sleepovers at her grandma’s house, and thought about Eric while she played with her cousins. She turned those play sessions with her cousins into ways to help Eric.

“We’d do arts and crafts and everything. And we would give them to him when we visited him in the hospital,” Johannah said.

In Paula’s group, and with the help of activities in Magnificent Marvelous Me!, Johannah found a place to share her fears and apprehension, too.

“I think that’s one thing that’s on her mind. That her brother might get cancer again.
She’s very protective of him,” Jill said.

Cancer and her little brother filled her thoughts, even at school. When she was seven, Johannah and her classmates made construction paper turkeys for Thanksgiving, and wrote messages of thanks. Johannah’s message read, “I am thankful for my family. I am very thankful for medicine, doctors, nurses for helping my brother live and not die.”

At school, there were times when classmates avoided talking with Johannah when she was feeling worried or sad. As a fourth grader now, she’s had time to think about those days. Her advice to kids who have friends in a similar situation would be to try to make the person feel better by doing something as simple as just talking to them.

And her advice for kids who have siblings with cancer?  “Try to have fun and think positive that your brother or sister is going to get through.”

While Eric’s cancer has been in remission for two years, he and his family will live with yearly check-ups and routine hospital visits for the next 20 years. Because Eric’s cancer is so rare, he is part of a case study in the hopes that he can help doctors figure out the best treatment plans for other children who are diagnosed.

“It is a lifetime experience,” Jill said, and it affects the entire family.

With a cancer diagnosis, childhood rituals like Halloween and the tooth fairy take on extra special meaning. As the older sibling, Johannah guided Eric along. She helped Eric build his first snowman. At Eric’s first sleepover at their grandma’s house, a protective and restless Johannah finally fell asleep when she clasped her brother’s hand.

On the “Feelings Masks” page in her Magnificent, Marvelous Me! book, Johanna drew a half smile in the section that asked her to draw the face that she shows to others. The other half of the page features a second picture, which is supposed to show what Johannah feels deep down inside.

“I drew a full smile. Because I know that I’m loved,” she said.

Annette L., a graduate student in Psychology in Australia, found Art with Heart on the internet while researching effective ways to help boys express their emotions. For her practicum, she is working at one of the State High Schools with 9^th grade boys who have various levels and types of behavioral issues. She began using Chill & Spill with four boys over an eight-week period.

Says Annette, “The four students embraced the whole concept as I integrated the journal into what I had planned. They all found it easier to write or draw and were then happy to share their thoughts with me.”

At the end of each session, students left their books at the office, but knew that they could access their books anytime they needed to.

“I encouraged these students to use their books (instead of their fists or mouths) when other students or even teachers upset them – if they stormed out of class angry, they should put their anger on paper rather than destructively wandering the school grounds.

“By week three, two of my students had started accessing their books outside of session. By week five, three out of four were doing this.”

Annette said that her students began to notice that when they brought their anger and frustration to the book, they didn’t get into as much trouble. One even had a teacher comment that he was not disruptive in class anymore. This was a huge step for the student.

All four students credited the Chill & Spill Program with helping them see where their strengths lay and how they can use these strengths to repair weaker areas in their lives.

Before the Chill & Spill intervention, “Jamie” said that he didn‘t know that he could simply walk away from difficult situations that would normally end in a fight. He also had struggled to take a stand and make his own decisions. Before he began using Chill & Spill, he said he felt a little sad, but also “worried, crappy and pissed off.”

Writes Jamie, “After I finished Chill & Spill, I felt happy. [The book helped me] walk away from my worries [and realize that] I wasn’t on my own and [that I can] talk about my feelings with others.”

His letter ended with this note, “I’d also like to say that I love this book and it’s helped me heaps.”